How can I explain how I think?
Or do I need to?
Or do I need to?
There is no reason for me to ever explain something away, let alone something so personal.
Right?
Yet here I am.
I love everything.
Everyone.
I miss everyone all the time.
Especially those I love the most.
Everything is an adventure.
Most people thing I love traveling, and I do,
but the best thing about this life that makes me feel the most alive?
Excitement, new, awe, adventures, love. The AWE of it all.
And is it real?
I read once that most of the excitement of something new or a trip is more exciting than the venture or the trip itself. Maybe.
I love the anticipation. Packing. Sharing with others about what is going to happen.
But being there? PINCH ME.
Even when I'm there?
I often can't believe it.
When I come home?
Also can't believe it. WOOWWWEEE! I did it! I can't believe I did it!
I've twice been told by people I loved that it is if I have lived 5 lives already.
I look back and I have done EVERYTHING I've ever dreamed of and more except for one thing.
I can't believe all of the things I've been able to do or accomplish. Is this REALLY my life?
And if it's been so magical already, will that magic continue into me hopefully someday finding the love of my life? My forever?
Or what if... what if I already found her? What if I only got her for a moment?
Then what?
I'm not sure.
Yet from where I am, from such great heights, each day I look at my life and how much I have actually LIVED and realize I am doing what others only dream of. Others live in their dreams. I don't. I try to make my dreams my reality.
And that is the difference.
I know exactly what I want.
From such great heights, I look at my life that has seemed like 5 and think of the depth of time and space and all of eternity. And here, HERE, I exist. I'm a blip. I'm a speck of literal star dust.
FUCKING STAR DUST.
I am eternal.
Of the stars.
Of the Cosmos.
WTAF. Can you believe THAT?!
Come down now, they say.
Oh no.
Never.
I love the view from here.
I love the confident nature of my living out loud.
I love that I both believe and can't believe I get to do any of this in this life.
And I love.
Period.
When you love everything and everyone?
You have nothing but immense awe for what the world has for you and what you have to give back.
Love is everything.
Awe is everything.
Everything looks perfect from up here.
Everything seems perfect from far away.
Why?
Because it is.
It's slightly messy, a little anxious, but oh, so so wonderfully perfectly imperfect.
I am thinking it's a signThat the freckles in our eyesAre mirror imagesAnd when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
They will see us waving from such great heightsCome down now, they'll sayBut everything looks perfect from far awayCome down now but we'll stay
And that frankly will not flyYou'll hear the shrillest highsAnd lowest lows with the windows downAnd this is guiding you home
They will see us waving from such great heightsCome down now they'll sayBut everything looks perfect from far awayCome down now but we'll stay
- "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service (band)
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