Here I Am

I cry on every flight I take. 

I miss everyone I’ve ever loved. 

I’ve been everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go and done everything I wanted in this life...

Except been loved enough for it to last and loved someone who decided to stay. 

And all I want from here till I die is love. 

But it’s not like a marathon where I can just go train for it and know it’s at the finish line. 

It’s Russian roulette. 

There is no way to know if I’ll ever find my forever. 

Looking for it kills me each time I try and don’t succeed. 

Several times I thought I did find that perfect one. 

You find someone you connect with only to find they don’t see the world the same way you do or don’t want love... just a quick hit of sex and empty emotion. 

Or they’re just completely fucked up only to, in return, fuck you up. 

I’m not made for the moment alone. 

I’m made for eternity. 

I’m everything you could dream of and wish for and more. 

I’m made for adventure and slow kisses and sunsets. 

I don’t disappoint and am as loyal as the day is long. 

I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty damn close. 

 

If you know that’s for you, too?

Here I am. 

Imagine

Stop. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

Close your eyes. 

Breathe me in. 

Imagine us. 

Again.

But this time with love. 

That’s what it would be. 

Kisses under the waterfalls of our showers. 

Whispering I love you. 

Rubbing our noses together and smiling. 

Whispering I love you. 

In each others’ embrace then dropping a hand to grab yours. 

Whispering I love you. 

Pushing you up against the wall to kiss you deeper. 

Whispering I love you. 

Hands under each others’ clothing. Your breasts, hips, ever so slightly over the front of your body, your perfection, your... but over your clothing. 

Whispering I love you. 

Rolling from you to me to you to me on top and bottom on your bed or mine…. Laughing and your hair flowing. 

Whispering I love you. 

Kissing each others’ mouth, neck, breasts, trailing away to go down on each other. 

Whispering I love you. 

Warm, bare skin on warm, bare skin. I can't even with how soft yours feels on mine.

Whispering I love you.

Waiting for each other to say each others’ name and come… alive. 

Whispering I love you. 

This after love making cuddles and deep chats about space and falling asleep in your arms. 

Whispering I love you. 

My lock and key. 

Oh, how I miss you.

Oh, how I love you. 

Stop.

Breathe.

Stop imagining….

Then let us let this again actually be.

Electricity and the Blue Dress

I’m not chaos.

I’m not a storm.

I’m lightning and starlight and pixie fairy dust and all things good in every sense of the word.

And I’m love.