The Way Out

 Come sit with me for a while.

        I don't want to be here. I don't want to sit with you. I didn't invite you here. Oh, and I don't want YOU here.

I understand. However, I'm not leaving.

        I see that. You should. It would help me out a little.

You can't show me my way to the door. There is no door. I can't leave. It doesn't work that way. And I can help.

        I also get that. I'm not sure how you will ever do me any good or help in ANY way.

Sit with me. Take as long as you need to think about this. You already know the answer.

        You sound like you're trying to give sage advice that's all lies. It's too much today. I'm drowning in oceans of feelings and emotions and memories and anger.

You're not drowning. I'm the boat.

        Really? A boat? Where are you taking me? Through some storm only to drown me?

Through the storm, yes. Key word: through. But not because I want to because you need me to. 

I'm going to change your life.

        They all say that. 

I already have. I know you didn't want your life to change. But that's something sometimes you can't control.

        True. Am I supposed to view all this as good or bad change? Because right now, all I see and feel is a void.

It can be both. It may be one or the other. Everyday is different. I can't control you or how you feel in each moment.

        But today I'm drowning. Remember? Void. Hole. Empty. Pain. Hurt. I have lots of synonyms. I can look up more if you'd like.

Fair. Tomorrow you may forget I even exist.

        Impossible. But not saying I wouldn't like that to happen.

Also fair. But I'm not leaving. I can't.

        You don't get it. Everything I loved. It's gone. My world.

I do know. I'm everything you never wanted, but everything that helps get you to what's next in life. You don't want me, but you need me. 

I'm love with no place to go.  

        Grief, you're love? If this is love, I don't want it.

I know you don't. But I'm about to change your life, remember? Come sit with me again from time to time. 

In a day. 

A month. 

A year. 

Longer. 

Our conversations won't be the same. They'll never be the same. Some will last days. Others, seconds. Your love and other emotions you feel like you're missing will still be there, but you'll have new loves, new experiences, and new things to grieve. And we can talk about those, too. You will see your loss through new eyes and the other things I listed for you. You will take me with you everywhere. You'll have friends come with you to sit with me, as well. If you don't think you have someone to be there with you, I know you can find someone. Just like you're not alone, I live in everyone. 

I'm not exactly a friend, as you already know, but I am a means to an end. 

So come sit with me for a while. 

I know where you are now, I know you won't need me forever, and I know the way out:

It’s through. 

         ____________

Author's note: this is a conversation between a person and Grief, personified. Read it again.