2022
I know what I want. For now. For later. Forever. And few people I know know what they want. 2022? This year has been nothing I wanted it to be.
So far. Yet.
I believed I could manifest my dreams.
I still believe it.
Nothing has come true that I want yet.
Like Mercury is eternally stuck in retrograde.
My friend Stacy and her boyfriend told me, “Amy, you can have anything the F you want.”
Really?
Because want I want isn’t mine.
Right now.
Yet.
How do I get what I want?
Where is the button?
I’ve screamed it into the void.
As if someone, something could hear me.
My lessons on this trip have been both illuminating and what I already know to be true:
That animals are sometimes more scary than humans. But not usually.
That I’m the fucking Sun.
That not everyone can see that.
But if they did they’d choose me.
A thousand times over.
I mean, I’d date me.
I’d marry me.
Who can say that with such confidence?
That love is blind.
That I’m a whole person.
That I’m healed.
That I can see emptiness and the edge of losing one’s self in others who were where I once was.
That anything and everything is possible.
But expect the unexpected.
That God gives us dreams that match our faith.
Ok God.
Then bring it. I know it’s coming. She’s coming. She’s probably already here. In fact, I know she is.
I’m expecting nothing but the best.
And waiting for it all the same.
And somehow, I know it’s already here even though it’s not.
So hold on.
Your now is not your forever.
All you want is coming.
