2022

2022

I know what I want. For now. For later. Forever. And few people I know know what they want. 2022? This year has been nothing I wanted it to be. 

So far. Yet. 

I believed I could manifest my dreams. 

I still believe it. 

Nothing has come true that I want yet. 

Like Mercury is eternally stuck in retrograde. 

My friend Stacy and her boyfriend told me, “Amy, you can have anything the F you want.”

Really? 

Because want I want isn’t mine. 

Right now. 

Yet. 

How do I get what I want? 

Where is the button?

I’ve screamed it into the void. 

As if someone, something could hear me.

My lessons on this trip have been both illuminating and what I already know to be true:

That animals are sometimes more scary than humans. But not usually. 

That I’m the fucking Sun. 

That not everyone can see that. 

But if they did they’d choose me. 

A thousand times over. 

I mean, I’d date me. 

I’d marry me. 

Who can say that with such confidence?

That love is blind. 

That I’m a whole person. 

That I’m healed. 

That I can see emptiness and the edge of losing one’s self in others who were where I once was. 

That anything and everything is possible. 

But expect the unexpected. 

That God gives us dreams that match our faith. 

Ok God. 

Then bring it. I know it’s coming. She’s coming. She’s probably already here. In fact, I know she is. 

I’m expecting nothing but the best. 

And waiting for it all the same. 

And somehow, I know it’s already here even though it’s not. 
So hold on. 

Your now is not your forever. 

All you want is coming.