Alone But Not Lonely

"Miss you."

In those two words I realized I wasn't alone. I was also missed. Those two words made me melt, regardless of who sent them or when. I've had more than one person send such sentiments, but each time? I feel seen, heard, cared about.

Alone.
Lonely.

These are similar words, but not the same.

I've been alone a large, large majority of my life.
I love my independence even though I don't think about it that much.
I'm good at staying busy and being creative.

When I was a very young child I had an enormous, creative imagination where I'd play basketball or baseball games by myself because my brother hated losing to me (true story)--creating team and teammate names. I was alone, but not lonely.

I still have a very active and creative imagination which I tap into at work and in my personal life, but thank God, no imaginary friends. I'm often a visionary who will think up the one thought no one else in the room did, and I'm proud of that gift. I'm completely capable of dreaming, day dreaming, and lucid dreaming up almost any thought my brain wants to think up. I'm alone, but not lonely.

I travel solo at least once a year, which I rather enjoy, even though I prefer company. Again, alone, but not lonely.

I do about 98% of my running, weight lifting, biking, and swimming training alone. I don't get lonely on anything except long bike rides.

I have a zillion hobbies I also do alone: cooking, baking, photography, writing, dog sitting/walking, song writing, singing, playing the guitar, and taking hot epsom salt and bubble baths.

And then there is lonely.

I wouldn't say that word describes me ever, but if I'm being honest, I more like than dislike having someone special in my life or at least having someone in my life that misses me enough to say it.

Currently, I don't want to be in a relationship UNLESS it’s serious and moving toward forever on healthy ways and I don't envy many (if any) of my friends' relationships based on how they talk about their partners, but damn--I unquestionably miss having someone to hold and kiss, snuggle with, grow closer to, make each other better people…

I don't NEED anyone, I am whole all by myself. But I know I'm an 11/10, I know I'm super loving and kind, I know someone is seriously missing out on all I could bring to their world/their family's world, and I know I don't need saving or need to save anyone. But I would if I could. I would do anything for the person I loved.

And I miss having someone not because I'm alone or lonely, but because it's just part of who I am, and when I'm feeling mentally healthy, loving, confidence, sexy, and physically strong, I just want to give and share those things with someone. I am so full of love and want to just give it away and make everyone around me happier. 

Alone but not lonely...
It's not a bad thing.

And maybe someday soon I'll be able to share all I have that I miss giving. Because I "Miss you."
 

So much….