I teetered with texting you.
I never thought I’d hear from you again.
But you said thank you when I did send it.
And it made me cry.
I actually woke up crying that morning.
Why?
Because I dreamed of you all night. In it you were there at a concert with me but not with me. Playing hide and seek in your own way to avoid me.
When all I wanted was connection. To talk.
With you.
To you.
When you said thank you…
Was it from a place of duty?
Compassion?
Love?
Obligation?
Pain?
I told you that accepted a job.
You hearted my message.
Then silence.
Why silence.
Why not continue the conversation?
All I didn’t say? ?
So many things.
You have no no no idea what I have been through since March 11th.
You think the worst was over and done.
It wasn’t.
Not even close.
The worse was yet to come.
But why?
Why not ask how I am.
Tell me about your boys.
Tell me about your summer.
Tell me that you miss me too.
Tell me that you’re sorry.
Tell me that I mean something.
Anything.
Anything but fucking this.
Call me.
Let me call you.
Anything.
My heart is so so so shattered missing you.
I have everything I could ever need in my life right now.
But I don’t.
I don’t have the job I moved here for.
I barely got a job.
I don’t have my depression and sadness lifted from me.
Though most days I’m feeling a lot better.
But still.
I don’t have you.
